What Mike Does, Page 5


On My Own...But Not Quite!

    This Ugly Old Maid Bookworm School Teacher Virgin was anything but ugly.  She looked like a young Elizabeth Taylor and had a body that would stop Big Ben.  And, man, could she dance!

    And she was fun.  Kind of naively believing in the happiness of life and the innate goodness of people.  Well, gee...me, too!

    I’d better stop here and tell you that, as part of my curriculum at the University of Charm, I had developed a three-date process

that always ended in bed.  Always!

    First date:  Club Village.  With the

exception of dancing, do not touch her.  Not even hold her hand.

    Second date:  A last-minute phone invitation from the office for a pizza and a beer.  “I know a girl like you probably doesn’t drink beer, especially at a dump like my favorite pizza place.  But, I haven’t eaten all day and I need a pizza and a beer.”

    You’d be surprised at how many girls Just Love drinking beer at a dirty pizza place.

    Continue the do-not-touch rule.  Make the girl wonder why she isn’t appealing to me.

    Third date:  Bed!

    Mike:  “I’ve discovered a new wine.  It’s a German Mosel and it’s wonderful.  Why don’t we spend the evening at my (fancy, new) apartment and listen to music?”   

  1. 1. The wine was Graacher Himmeireich and I had been drinking it for at least a year.  I bought it by the case.   

  2. 2. I had a reel-to-reel tape recorder that would play music for three hours.  I had it wired so that it began playing when I flipped on the entry hall light switch.  I had at least 20 tapes filled with romantic music.

  3. 3. Across the street from my apartment complex was a country club golf course which featured a small pond with ducks.

    We would begin the evening sipping the Graacher and listening to music.  At my suggestion, we’d take a fresh bottle of wine, two wine glasses and a few slices of bread across the street to the golf course pond to “feed the ducks.”

    From the duck pond, we’d move to the seventh-hole green where we’d take off our shoes and walk around the green like little kids.  We’d spend enough time on the green to find ourselves laying down, kissing and feeling.

    We would return to my apartment (the music was still playing) and begin sipping on our third bottle of Graacher.  Usually, there was so much making out on the couch that the third bottle was mostly full the next morning.

    My charm, excellent kissing and expert feeling around (it couldn’t have been the wine, could it?) moved us from the couch to naked in bed.  Always.  Never failed.

The Beginning of my Real Life

    I never invited Amelia Gatha Lloyd out on that third date and could not figure out why.

    Not to say we did not have a third date and many more.  We just didn’t have The Magic Third Date.  I don’t know why.

    Soon, I had to abandon my harem.  Amy and I were dating exclusively.  And on those rare nights when we did not see each other, we spent hours together on the telephone.  I don’t know why.  I just couldn’t help it!

    Within three months, I found myself violating my never-marry-again vow and proposing marriage to Amy.  I had never thought about it.  My mouth just did it.  I don’t know why.  I just couldn’t help it!  Holy Bizarre!  Marriage!!

    Even more strange, she accepted.

    I had no engagement ring.  Worse, I did not have the money to buy an engagement ring.  In two months, I had saved enough money to buy a one-carat diamond in a (what I thought was a) lovely white-gold setting that the jeweler and I designed.  Of course, Amy had no say in the design of the ring.  After all, it was to be a surprise!

    It was presented to her as her dessert by a Club Village waiter, after our dinner there.  It was hidden in a large blue silk rose handmade by the wonderful “Mom” Firestone, the SMU Alpha Tau Omega fraternity housemother.

    Ahhhh, Engleman!

    Years later, Amy told me that she had not told a soul...not even Judy...that she had agreed to become Mrs. Mike Engleman after knowing him for less than three months.  Holy Embarrassment!  Apparently, becoming engaged (and receiving the ring) after just five months was okay.  Who knows about girls?

    We were married on August 2, 1969 in the Highland Park Presbyterian church.  Then, Mr. and Mrs. Mike Engleman, journeyed to Ocho Rios, Jamaica for a memorable honeymoon.

    We returned to Dallas and set up housekeeping in my former bachelor apartment.  Amy returned to her teaching job ($500 a month, which we lived off of).  Mike established The Engleman Company, Incorporated, a financial public relations company.  No clients, no idea how to get a new client, no idea what to do for a new client and a total of $300 in our checking account.

   “Find yourself facing the bad guys out there in the uncharted wilderness?  Just pull back on the hammer and begin firing away.  You’ll do fine, boy.”

I begin my Real Life.  (Click here)

    Two things I need to tell you before I continue with the saga of Mike Engleman and if you’re still awake.

    First, while I was at Goals for Dallas, I had met a guy who was the owner of a public relations firm.  It wasn’t your ordinary PR firm.  He called it a Financial Public Relations firm.  His firm’s clients were publicly owned companies and the firm’s job was to tell his clients’ stories to the investing community--from your ordinary stock brokers to the guys who direct the investment of millions of dollars in stocks for the mutual funds.  And everyone in between.  Object?  To cause the price of his client’s common stock to go up.  And up!

    When this guy heard I was leaving Goals for Dallas, he offered me a job.  At $24,000 dollars a year!  I had no idea what a Financial Public Relations Man did.  I knew but one stockbroker.  However, I decided that if this guy could pay me the magnificent sum of $24,000 a year, I could make more than that if I opened my own Financial Public Relations firm...whatever that is.

    “Find yourself facing the bad guys out there in the uncharted wilderness?  Just pull back on the hammer and begin firing away.  You’ll do fine, boy.”

Going For My PhD

    Second, after the divorce I decided that, since I was single and had no after-work responsibilities, I would further my education.  I enrolled in The University of Charm and set my sights to earning a Doctorate Degree in Bedding Women.  I had been a virgin when Linda and I married and I was determined to get an education that would help me in my future years.  And, ahem, I had homework that was fun.

    I so clearly remember a telephone conversation I had with my married-lady friend, Judy, in my Goals for Dallas office.

    Judy:  “Mike, one of my best friends and college roommate is moving to Dallas.  She is single...never has married.  She just got her Masters Degree at USC and is moving to Dallas to teach school.  I want you to take her out for a nice dinner.”

    Oh, good!, I thought.  Never married.  She’s got to be Judy’s age, so she’s in her late twenties.  An Old Maid!  A Masters Degree, huh?  An Old Maid Bookworm.  And a school teacher.  Oh, great!  An Old Maid Bookworm School Teacher.

    Judy continues:  “You’ll really like her.  She’s got a great personality.  And, Mike, she has very high morals.”

    Even better, I thought.  “A Great Personality.”  Isn’t that girl-code for ugly as dirt?  An Ugly Old Maid Bookworm School Teacher.  Oh...and “high morals,” huh?  An Ugly Old Maid Bookworm Virgin School Teacher!  Just what I’ve been looking for.

    Mike:  “Judy, I can’t take your friend out.  I’m busy as hell and I’m dating a couple of girls (actually, “a couple” meant six or seven).  And, besides, I DO NOT do blind dates.”

    Judy:  “Oh, Mike.  This wouldn’t be like a blind date.  I know Amy and I know you’ll like her.”

    Mike:  “Judy, I can’t.”

    Judy:  “Mike you have to.  You have to date at least one girl that you can bring to Don’s and my parties.”

    Mike:  Speechless.

    So, I did as I was told (Judy’s like that).  I telephoned Amelia (Amy) Gatha Lloyd and asked her out for dinner.  Obviously, she had been fully briefed about Mike Engleman by Judy (girls are like that).

    I took her to my first-date place.  It was called the Club Village.  In those years, it was a Dallas Fancy Place.  A big orchestra (10 to 12 pieces, as I recall) that played wonderful dance music.  Usually an okay floorshow performed by entertainers desperately working their way back to the West Coast from the East Coast.  Excellent tuxedoed service, really fine food. 

    Since it was my regular first-date place and since I tipped generously (I had waited tables in college), we were seated at “my table,” right next to the dance floor.